I was noticing earlier tonight (11/21/2005) that – from what I could tell added new feature recently or I’ve just never noticed some stuff before. Maybe the later because I’ve been looking around’s site for a while. Another thing that I’ve noticed to today was the cleaner/nicer design of the general look of today – which makes it look a lot better in many ways. But then its what I think about


what I really hate

Right now I really hate my life, like the way I’m currently living, I also really hate school so much that I don’t want to take anymore classes. I just don’t want to deal with my life anymore or anything else for that matter. All I wanted to for a long time is curl up and die and at this point I just want to do that, cause I’m sick of being all alone, and I’m tired of going to bed alone too. I want someone to share my bed with me but no one wants to be ”close friends” with me all because I’m somewhat overweight. I’m also tired of being alone which I’ve been for the last 20 yrs or so of my fucking life. I started to pull away from my childhood friends when I was 9, the reason I won’t say here – well not now anyway. Living in Alaska doesn’t even fucking help matters either. I just want to end it all – eveything. One other thing I hate now is that I tend to ruing good things that come into my life. I want to share my life – well open up to someone and everything together.

Over the last couple of years living in Alaska that I don’t like is all of the fucking stares that I’ve been getting for no apparent reason. Like I have no idea what I did to get these stares or be the butt end of jokes, laughs, or whatever else people might “throw” at me. Granted, at times, I tend to be standoff-ish towards people but still. Sometimes people look at me like I’m some kind of freak or monster of some kind – which I’m neither of. Granted I could things on my part like joining clubs and do other shit like that but for some reason I just don’t want to do that. I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t want to waste time more than I want to but I do when it comes to school or going to the gym to workout.

Seems that since I started to classes at my local University for some reason or another I tend to screw things up a bit. What I mean is that I know where I want to go but for some weird reason I just go and take the wrong way about getting things done. Or things would get so fucked up with my classes to the point where I had drop alot of the classes that I was taking. Now with just taking 2 classes in the spring – even though I know I should take more classes and this after I already talked to an adviser about classes for the spring term. Like everything else I just want to say “Fuck it, fuck school, and everyone else for that matter.”

For some reason over the last couple of yrs I just wanted to walk away from everyting and just disapper from my family in part because I feel like I’m a major disappointment to them. There are certain members of my close family member (I won’t say who here) always comes and visits me and our relative that I’m staying with while I’m going to school – back to my point – this certain member generally, if not, always comes and visits when I’m just starting classes regardless when I’m starting classes. I just don’t understand why this family member does this atleast to me, shit, I mean, damn it, sigh – I just don’t want to deal with this pictular family member on a regular basis. Once I get a stable job and save up loads of money I would seriously move out on my own. I’ll still have daily contact with the relative that I’m currently staying with. But as it is, I’m tentativly planning to move from Alaska to the “lower 48” states shortly after I get my degree.

If I actully do move to the “lower 48” states, I would tell very few people where I would be moving to. I’m thinking of several places to move to but haven’t decided yet. All I know in what I want to do is to move some where its warm and have a nice yard to work in. But in the regardless of what happens its just gotten to the point where I just don’t want to deal with my family as much or at least as much as I do now. As much as I like them its just that I don’t want to be in constant contact with them anymore. It seems that I’m becoming even more of a recluse over the last couple of years, more so in this last year.

Anyway, I think that I got just about everything out of my system for now.

‘Tagging’ gives Web a human meaning | CNET

This article: ‘Tagging’ gives Web a human meaning | CNET, is interesting, or at least to me as to making tags or tagging more understandable and how they work – to some degree, that is. I think that in the way its writting helped to understand the underling technology better and use tagging better.


School in the spring

Well, its about time to register for classes for the spring term. Even though I want to take classes in the spring term (spring 2006), but at this point I want to take a break from taking classes, and I don’t know if I should or not. I know I should take some classes in the upcoming school term.

Another problem, well not really a problem perse, well its about taking math classes that I might still need to take in order to get my degree in Art. Then there is another concern of the type of concertration in Art I want to do. Even though I want to computer art – which is offered under the B of Arts program, is just that it might only be offered in the interdispling studies college, and if that’s the case I might do my Art concertration in drawing then I would go somewhere else to work in computer art of some kind.

After nearly 2 1/2 to 3 yrs of taking classes I’m getting some burnout – just because I’m tired of taking classes at of the time. Granted some classes were fun, its the “but still” type mentallity that I’ve gotten into recently. Though if I do still take classes in the spring it might be just one or two classes. If I did that though it would take me longer to take classes. Tentativly I’m planning atleast 2 or 3 more years after this school year is over at UAF.

Though I do like taking classes, its just getting boring after the last year or so. As far as getting a job of some kind, which I’m trying to do at the present time. I found it getting more difficult to actully getting hired on. Granted I have a speratic work history for someone my age. But still I’m still an able body person to work.

Anyway, back to school, its about time to get ready for finals for the classes that I’m currently taking. Finals week is the 2nd week of December which is nice because I have about a good month off between semesters end and begins.


my site

Well, I’m in the process of updating my website after some time that I haven’t done so. While I’m glad that I’m really getting around and updating it. I found that I could and maybe should redo the navigation structure of the site, and also put like pages together such as the about, sitemap, and the legal pages in the same directory.

Over the last couple of days, well the last couple of weeks I thought of getting a another domain and move everything but the wordpress blogs that I have currently on this site. Simply I don’t want to go through the hassel of messing with the database’s associated with each wordpress blog that I have.

Granted hosting this site with Yahoo! might not have been the right choice – well when it comes to hosting wordpress blogs. Though I found wordpress powered blogs to be more friendly to use, it’s suggested to have access to the mod_rewrite and htaccess for some features of the software but to the point, I don’t know if I want to move my blogs or not, even the possibility of messing with the database’s that I have hosted on the mysql sever that I’m using.

But at this point in time I won’t decide on what to do about the blogs or getting another domain for my site or not, it would just depend on weather or not that I have the money to get another url and another host then move, update my site or not. Though I may move my site and get another url at somepoint, but I think I would hold off for a while though.

Anyways, I feel better about talking – well writing about this outloud may help me to some degree.

laters all…